2009 Movie Review

Alice in Wonderland

The ‘Crow’s View

Tim Burton has become a master at re-envisioning classic tales, Sleepy Hollow, Planet of the Apes, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and results have varied. Unfortunately Alice in Wonderland is yet another mediocre re-envisioning. Some of the film is shear brilliance, and easily some of the best work Burton has accomplished. But other sections of the film are flat, awkward and trite. The film would have been a lot better if it were a straight retelling of Lewis Carroll’s classic, but instead it’s some sort of hybrid sequel that’s really off balanced (perhaps even mad as a hatter.)

The beginning of the film is absolutely horrid, I nearly walked out. It is perhaps the worst bookend to a fantasy story ever. From The Wizard of Oz, to Peter Pan, to The Chronicles of Narnia there are always bookends to get a character into and out of the fantasy world. And Alice in Wonderland has the worst fantasy bookends I’ve ever seen, and I’ve seen Inkheart. The opening and closing are so cringe worthy I’m getting pissed off just thinking about them, and that’s all I’m going to say about that.

But once in Wonderland, or Underland, the film takes off. Alice has been brought back to Underland to fulfill a prophecy, in which she sleighs the Red Queen’s Jabberwocky and restores the White Queen back to the throne. With help from the White Rabbit, the Mad Hatter, and others Alice is safely hidden from the Red Queen’s soldiers and taken to the safety of the White Queen. Unsure about herself and the reality of Underland, Alice struggles to claim her destiny.

Johnny Depp gives an inspired performance as the Mad Hatter. He steals every scene he’s in and elevates the film. Helena Bonham Carter gives an interesting performance as the Red Queen, taking her to a far darker and more sinister place than previous incarnations. Ann Hathaway, who has never been a particularly good actress, doesn’t do herself any favors and gives yet another weak performance as the White Queen. Alice however, is played impressively well by new comer Mia Wasikowska. By-in-large the cast of Alice in Wonderland is rather impressive and brings this new vision to life.

Post Avatar, the CGI of Alice in Wonderland is but finger-paint. But it’s decent finger-paint. Once again Danny Elfman has teamed up with Tim Burton to deliver an exceptional, if not outstanding, music score that perfectly complements the film. Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland is far from being the definitive film of Lewis Carroll’s classic tale, but it is one of the most unique and imaginative. On the Dann-O-Meter Alice in Wonderland is “Slightly Objectionable.”

Rating: «««¶¶

Eclipse

The ‘Crow’s View

I’m not sure if I’m a Twilight fan or if I just have a morbid curiosity, but I’ve been sucked into this series. Somehow the fantasy aspects (vampires, werewolves, etc.) get me to overlook the numerous flaws of The Twilight Saga. Thought the first two instillations were torturous reads, I mean they carry them in the Guantanamo Bay prison library for god sake, but Eclipse was actually a fairly good book. Yet the film fails to break away from the cheesiness and melodrama that is The Twilight Saga. Though I like this director, David Slate (who directed the brilliant suspense-thriller Hard Candy,) even he is unable to save The Twilight Saga from itself.

The plot, as in all the Twilight films, is razor thin. A new group of vampires rises up in Seattle and gears up to attack Bella (‘cause that’s what you do if you’re a vampire.) This new threat unites the Cullen vampire clan and the werewolf pack, who fend off the coming vampires and save Bella. Meanwhile Jacob and Edward vi for Bella’s affections and force her into choosing one of them.

What’s so disappointing about this film is the complete lack of suspense or mystery? The book is full of mystery as to what’s causing the killings in Seattle, who has been stalking Bella, who are the new werewolf pack members, and the culpability of the Valturi vampire league. Within the first half hour of the film all these reveals are given, snatching away any suspense the story could have had. And without the suspense, the plot is so straight forward it’s boring.

The acting, if it can be called that, isn’t getting any better. Taylor Lautner is perhaps the worst actor of our generation (with the possible exception of Zac Efron.) Lautner wasn’t that bad in New Moon, but now that he’s trying to act he’s chewing the scenery. Kristen Stewart has even taken a step backward, giving a lackluster performance. And to my dismay, the replacement casting of Bryce Dallas Howard as Victoria turned out to be substandard. She’s a poor Victoria, and lacks the menace that the character had in the first two films. Howard’s reprising a role that was done better by her predecessor, and that’s just a fact.

However, a few actors have stepped up their game. Namely Anna Kendrick, who has taken a bit character and turned her into one of the few truly tolerable friends of Bella. Surprisingly Robert Pattinson shows some promise as an actor, though it’s still too early to tell. Getting some real screen time, Jackson Rathbone (Jasper) and Nikki Reed (Rosalie) prove formidable as their character’s backstories are delved into. And Billy Burke seems to have taken to his role as Bella’s father, and even appears to be having fun with it, adding some sarcastic humor.

The action sequences and special effects have improved in Eclipse. Finally, some real action goes down in The Twilight Saga and the special effects deliver on them. Typically the action scenes in the series are anticlimactic, but Eclipse breaks free of this and delivers involving action sequences in the battles and fights among the vampires and werewolves.

Despite its flaws, Eclipse does continue the intrigue of The Twilight Saga and creates a more involving story by furthering the development of the characters. They say it’s always darkest before the dawn, and with only Breaking Dawn left The Twilight Saga is on the home stretch. On the Dann-O-Meter Eclipse is “Sat.”

Rating: «««¶¶

The Expendables

The ‘Crow’s View

The Expendables is the culmination of all of cinema, every film since the first nickelodeon has been building to this. After reviewing this film At the Movies closed up shop, for there’s no reason to review movies any longer. The ultimate action movie has been achieved, anything now would just be a poor substitute. Stallone, Statham, Li, Austin, Willis, Schwarzenegger, it’s hard to believe that the film reels didn’t explode trying to contain them all.

Actually, the film isn’t all that great. But to see all these great action stars together is just too enticing. Where else can you see Stallone fight with “Stone Cold” Steve Austin, or Jet Li whoop on Dolph Lundgren (the original Punisher.) I got chills seeing Stallone, Willis, and Schwarzenegger all on screen together. Just seeing all these great 80’s and 90’s action stars together makes The Expendables the movie event of the year.

The plot couldn’t be more by the numbers. The Expendables is a mercenary group which takes on the tough jobs. One day a CIA agent named Mr. Church (Bruce Willis) approaches the group with a mission to take out a rouge dictator who’s in league with a former CIA operative to setup a drug cartel. After doing some recon the Expendables decide not to take the job do to its near impossibility. But when the rouge CIA operative sends a team to kill the Expendables, things get personal and they take the job. Shit blows up, high-jinks ensue, good guys win, bad guys loose.

In Rambo Stallone lost some control and got too gratuitous in his directing, but he’s dialed it back to a good mixture in The Expendables. There are one or two gratuitous action scenes, but for the most part the sequences are olde school blow shit up and knockdown, drag-out fistfights. Stallone knows how to direct an action film, and he’s done it right this time. But then again a film like this sort of directs itself, Statham, Li, and Austin all know how to choreograph a fight scene, and Stallone lets them work their moves.

The Expendables is a film specifically for action movie buffs. It’s the Godzilla vs. King Kong of action heroes. Some of the actors may be past their prime, but it’s an incredible spectacle regardless. The film promises action stars kicking ass, and it delivers in spades. On the Dann-O-Meter The Expendables is “Tolerable.”

Rating: ««««¶

Hot Tub Time Machine

The ‘Crow’s View

A while ago I was talking to some friends about whether a modern Back to the Future could work. And low-and-behold, Hot Tub Time Machine attempts exactly that. But unfortunately Hot Tub Time Machine is a spectacular failure. Some reviews were calling this film this year’s Hangover, but Hot Tub Time Machine barely has a laugh in it. The acting’s piss-poor, the laughs are few and far between, and the plot is pointless.

The cardinal sin of this film is that it completely wastes the opportunity to have fun with the 80s. Films like The Wedding Singer and Donnie Darko have a lot more fun playing with the 80s than Hot Tub Time Machine. In the entire film there are only a handful of 80s jokes, and they’re all flat and unfunny. The beauty of Back to the Future was the fun it had with the 50s and drawing the contrast with the 80s. Other than some internet jokes and a communist reference, Hot Tub Time Machine fails to draw contrasts. Jush as in Back to the Future, there were perfect opportunities to make a “colored mayor” joke about Obama becoming president, or televisions jokes about 20 channel cable networks, or tube televisions. There’s no clever writing here.

The story is rather straight forward. Four friends try to recapture their glory days by returning to their old ski lodge. By a stroke of luck there happens to be a wormhole in their cabin’s hot tub, which draws them back to 1986. As it happens, their most memorable ski retreat was in 1986. Appearing in their 1986 bodies, they decide to recreate things as they happened before so as not to contaminate the time-line. But as usual, the time-travelers soon try to take advantage of their situation and correct their past mistakes. And per Back to the Future, everything has improved for the four friends when they return to the new present with the changes that they have made to the past.

The parallels to Back to the Future are unmistakable, and only serve to remind us of what a better film that was compared to this one. There’s a weak Biff character that picks on one of the friends, and standing up to him helps alter his future. Another of the friends is a musician and has a “Johnny Be Good” moment where he pumps up the crowd by playing a future song in 1986. One of the characters starts fading away when his existence is threatened, just like Marty fades in Back to the Future. There’s even a lightning storm when the hot tub time machine reactivates (to provide the 1.21 jigawatts.) The one improvement that is made from Back to the Future is that the Enchantment Under the Sea dance is changed to a Poison concert, and as a Poison fan I was pleased to see that.

Hot Tub Time Machine is just a waste of film and talent. The cast is actually pretty good, but the performances are half-hearted. John Cusack is one of my favorite actors, but his performance in 2012 is Shakespeare compared to this crap. Rising star Craig Robinson has never been more poorly used than in this film. And Chevy Chase…what hell was Chevy Chase doing in this film? I don’t even think he knows what he was doing here. Surprisingly the best performance coming out of this film is Back to the Future’s Crispin Glover (aka George McFly.) What little comedy there is in this film is mostly due to him. On the Dann-O-Meter Hot Tub Time Machine is “Highly Objectionable.”

Rating: «««¶¶

Iron Man 2

Once again a superhero film has outdone its predecessor. Like Spider-man 2 or The Dark Knight, Iron Man 2 ups its game and fine tunes the material. I’m not that familiar with the comic mythos of Iron Man, but the film version has progressed into an interesting and dynamic story. Iron Man 2 is a full throttle action film that delivers on all fronts and promises to continue one of the great comic adaptations of all cinema.

The story picks up shortly after the first film. After the revelation of Iron Man to the world, terrorist nations and weapons manufactures are trying to replicate the technology. Tony Stark is called before a congressional hearing to account for his refusal to turn over the “Iron Man Weapon” to the US military, which is concerned about the technology falling into the wrong hands. Before long the technology is replicated by Ivan Vanko, a former soviet scientist whose family worked with Stark’s on the original power core designs. Looking for payback, he seeks out Stark.

Meanwhile, the Iron Man technology is proving to be fatal to Tony Stark, as his circulatory system is breaking down. With limited time, Stark appoint Pepper Potts to be CEO of Stark Industries and tries to put some of his affairs in order. However, an old friend pays Stark a visit and gives him a lead to a potential cure.

The biggest improvement to this installment of Iron Man is the villains. No offence to the Dude, but Jeff Bridges wasn’t much of a villain in the first film. Mickey Rourke’s Vanko is a far more imposing and threatening nemeses than Obadiah was. Vanko has a real motivation and a personal animas toward Stark. Additionally, he has a personal and distinctive look that a nemesis needs. His co-conspirator, Justin Hammer, played by Sam Rockwell, also adds to the formitity of Iron Man’s challenges. Rockwell gives the character a moral ambiguity that allows him to play different sides.

But if any two words explain why Iron Man 2 is superior to the first, it’d be Scarlett Johansson. One can’t say too much about her character without giving away the plot, but sufficed to say she ratchets the action up and delivers a great performance (almost making up for The Spirit.) The recasting of Don Cheadle as Col. Rhodes also improves the film. Terrence Howard was dead weight in the first film, and Don Cheadle reanimates Col. Rhodes into an interesting character.

What Iron Man 2 lacks is the same level of humor and whimsy of the original. That’s not to say that these things are lacking, there’s just more of an action focus to this incarnation. Iron Man 2 is an entertaining and action filled film that delivers on all fronts. The special effects, the acting, and the story are all top notch. On the Dann-O-Meter Iron Man 2 is “Ex-cellent.”

Machete

I really wanted to like Machete. Ever since I saw the mock trailer in Grindhouse I’ve been psyched about a Machete feature. But the film is complete crap and is little more than a 90 minute hate fest on republicans (which explains why Jake loved it.) Given the brilliance that was Planet Terror, I expected better from Robert Rodriguez. Instead a great campy action character was turning into a vehicle for political hate speech.

Machete begins well enough, reckless car chases, multiple beheadings, gratuitous nudity, but then it morphs into a political film. A Minuteman like group is shown gunning down Mexican pregnant women and children. A Tea Party politician is shown talking about Mexican immigrants as “parasites.” A turncoat Hispanic ICE agent is won over to the immigrant cause and screams, “We didn’t cross the border, the border crossed us!” And in the film’s climax a grass roots army of illegal immigrants marches on the Minuteman compound and slaughter them. The whole film is heavy handed political indoctrination, and its garbage.

As for the Machete character himself, he’s pretty decent and delivers on the promise of the Grindhouse trailer. Danny Trejo has always been a great actor and does a good job at playing tough guy characters. But he’s a bit old and out of shape to play this action character, and it doesn’t play well in a few scenes (such as the romance with Jessica Alba.) Yet as the Grindhouse trailer promised, Machete gets the ladies (Michelle Rodriguez, Lindsay Lohan, Jessica Alba, etc.)

Lindsay Lohan does herself no favors by been in this film, playing a drugged-up slut. Michelle Rodriguez is underutilized and only goes badass in the last act of the film. Cheech Marin however, is well used and gets some of the best scenes of the film. As villains go, Steven Seagal plays a crafty and sinister character that is a worthy nemesis for Machete. Jessica Alba’s character starts out rather interesting, as a Hispanic law enforcement office that believes in the law, but quickly becomes a cliché and falls into racial politics.

Hollywood has never been subtle about pushing its politics on the audience, but Machete is unrelenting in its bashing of border security supporters. Bottom line is, the rabbit assault on my beliefs and intelligence massively outweighed my enjoyment of the camp, violence, and gratuity. On the Dann-O-Meter, Machete is “Pure Shit.”

Salt

Salt is one of the most surprising films of the year. It was a bit overshadowed by the other big summer blockbusters, and even I wasn’t aware of it until it was released. And it seemed a rather generic film, spy action thriller and whatnot. However, it turned out to be much more. Perhaps because of the low expectations, it’s easily one of my top films of the year.

The plot is simple, sort of. A Russian spy, claiming to be a defector, tips off the CIA to an assassination plot and reveals CIA agent Elizabeth Salt to be a double agent. Salt denies it, but the CIA holds her on the chance that she could be a Russian spy. When Salt is unable to contact her husband she suspects she is being burned and breaks out of CIA custody. This only furthers the CIA’s suspicion, and a full manhunt begins to capture Salt.

What made Salt different than the run-of-the-mill spy flick was that it was unpredictable. As it was going along I had some ideas of where it would go, but then it went in a completely different direction. For the majority of the film everyone was a suspect, and all possibilities were open: Salt could be a triple agent, her husband could be the agent, the whole thing could be a CIA black op, etc. And the way the plot unfolds works well. There were a fair amount of twists, but it didn’t try to be too clever (which was clever.) Some twists were rather obvious, since Angelina Jolie rarely plays a villain, but I had fun figuring out the plot.

Angelina Jolie has escaped being type casted as an action star, despite her impressive repertoire: Tomb Raider, Gone in 60 Seconds, Mr. & Mrs. Smith, and Wanted. But she goes all out in Salt. Some people don’t buy Jolie as a kiss-ass action hero, but I can go with it. Obviously Jolie can’t matchup in brute strength, but fighting is about skills, not brute strength (Rocky proved that back in Rock IV.) And if Salt is a badass CIA operative, then it’s not hard to believe that she has the skills to take on stronger opponents with aggressive speed and technique. It worked in Kill Bill, and it works here too.

Of course Salt goes over the top, but that’s why we love action films. Once Salt went into full action mode, I went with it no matter how unrealistic the plot got. I wanted to see Jolie kick-ass and pull off big action sequences, and that’s what I got. Just like Crank, the more outrageous it got the more I got into it. Salt’s fun, entertaining, and a full of intrigue. On the Dann-O-Meter Salt is “Tolerable.”

Shrek Forever After

After Shrek the Third, I’d had enough Shrek and didn’t care to follow the story any further. I didn’t like where the story went and had no desire to see continue. But to my surprise, Shrek Forever After took the Shrek story to an entertaining and novel place. By pulling the olde It’s a Wonderful Life trick Shrek was able to get out of the corner it was boxed in and tell a new tale. Shrek Forever After doesn’t recapture the brilliance of the first two films, but it does deliver an amusing and

It’s a familiar story, Shrek is tricked into making a wish that alters the world so that he never saved the Fiona or the other fairytale creatures that he did in the first Shrek. In the alternate world Fiona is still cursed, Donkey and the other fairytale creatures live in destitution, and the evil Rumpelstiltskin has taken over Far Far Away. Shrek learns the hard way what a positive influence he has had in the world and on the lives of his friends. He then bands together with Donkey and his other friends to set the world right and restore things to the way they were.

Along with our old favorites, Shrek Forever After introduces several new characters. The main new character is Rumpelstiltskin. He’s retrofit into the Shrek story as having offered a deal to the king and queen of Far Far Away to save Fiona from the curse, just before Shrek saves her and ruins the deal. Having fallen on bad times because of Shrek, Rumpelstiltskin sets up a deal that will propel him to power as ruler of Far Far Away. The Pied Piper is also introduced, as a menacing assassin hired to lure out the ogres who are waging an underground war against Rumpelstiltskin. And finally, a cadre of Wizard of Oz style witches are featured in this alternate world.

By now, you either like Shrek or you don’t. If you didn’t like the previous Shrek films, this one won’t win you over. If you basically like the Shrek films, this film will give you more of the same. Shrek Forever After isn’t as witty or charming as the previous ones, but it still has some magic left. It’s as entertaining as ever and redeems the series form the god-awful Shrek the Third.

As usual, the soundtrack is well done, the animation is top quality, and the humor is fairly consistent. Shrek took animated films to a new level, and it has come to a fitting end. On the Dann-O-Meter Shrek Forever After is “Slightly Objectionable.”